Today Jake and Jim (who have successfully directed and written several television adverts and music videos) came into our class and watched our projects. After watching them they gave us some feedback. They said the following about my video:
They thought that my video shouldn't have mixed credit styles. For example, my video has animated credits and static credits, live action and against-black-background credits. Their thoughts were that I should pick one type/style and use that. They liked the credits I put on the wall. So in future I might use those kind of credits (integrated onto objects from the live footage style).
They liked the cuts from the diagetic sound to silence, along with the credits. This is also my favourite bit of the sequence (between 0:40 and 1:35). The sounds of the feet running, and then the silence goes nicely to make the sequence.